Goal Reached = Hiatus

A year ago, I told myself that I would write one blog post once a week for an entire year. I am relieved to say I did it! To some this accomplishment may sound easy because a week is a solid amount of time to churn out 300-600 words or about 5-6 paragraphs. That’s less than a paragraph a day or ~45 words a day.

But trust me when I tell you honestly, that it was rough. There were spans of time where I did not write a thing. I would go on for 16 days without writing a single post or without even thinking of a creative idea. There were many, many times I had to force myself to sit down and write something. Thank you to all those who read the posts that were forced because they were pretty horrible.

I can’t even put a finger on why it was so rough. Writing is the one thing in the world that I am most passionate about. It is the one thing in world that I think I need in order to keep my sanity.

Right now, I can’t even say that I’m proud of myself. I made it the full year but I’m not proud. I don’t feel accomplished. I just feel relived that I don’t have to do it anymore. I don’t know about you, but that’s not how you should feel after accomplishing a year long goal.

So I think I need some time off to get my sh*t together. I need time to myself to figure out what I want then make the decision to just blindly go for it. I also want to feel that spark again. I want writing to make me feel alive. I just want to feel free from the shackles that I am putting on my own mind.

What I’m trying to say (in way too many words) is that I will be taking a quick hiatus from writing.

Write to you soon (hopefully)!

Angela

Stupid Confident

This past weekend, I went on a snowboarding trip with a group of friends. I had never snowboarded before so it is safe to say I was not super excited. The images of me eating snow and ungracefully falling on my butt was a constant thought. I was full of anxiety. I was also afraid I would injure myself before my trip to Las Vegas the next weekend.

I could not stop thinking about how I was going to fail. Athleticism does not run in my family and no where in my DNA. I did not think I could pick this up easily. Meaning lots and lots of falling.

My friends were great in trying to ease my fears but I was way too in my own head at breakfast. As I put my gear on and we hit the slopes, I surprisingly confident. Blindly confident. Stupidly confident. I strapped myself left leg in and was ready to go. The bunny slope no longer looked daunting but seemed conquerable.

Then I started to move. If you did not know, while on a snowboard you have to push yourself off of flat land with a free foot (not connected to the snowboard), similar to skateboarding. As I pushed myself, I immediately fell on my butt. I attempted it multiple times before my blind confidence completely overtook my mind.

F*ck it, I thought. If I’m going to do it, I might as well just go for it. So I did, I went for it. I strapped my other foot in and stood up and propelled myself down the bunny slope. I glided down the slope with ease. I was doing it! I was actually making it all the way down the slope without any effort.

I was smiling until I realized I had to stop. Crap. I did not know how to stop. And I finally realized I was going way too fast for my comfort level. So, I “gracefully” fell straight on my butt as I was told.

Triumphant, I snapped a picture of my feet on the board. I needed to document this! I made it. I was so afraid and built up all of this anxiety but I made it with ease. Snowboarding is awesome!

As we left the lodge and drove down the mountain I couldn’t help but think about how my blind confidence in snowboarding applies to everything in life. The more confident you are, the more easily you just say f*ck it and go for it. The more you blindly go for it the more easily things come.

If you go at life or any tasks that you have with blind confidence. Not giving a crap about falling or failing, you are bound to do well. You are bound to pick it up much faster than if you were apprehensive.

With anything you do, go at it with confidence. Scream f*ck it and just go.

That Type of Person

I hope you have never come across the type of person that I am about to describe to you. You probably have so I’m going to say sorry on their behalf because they suck as a human being. It’s never fun being on the receiving end of their personality.

What type of person is this exactly? This is the type of person who ignores you until they realize you are their definition of “cool”. They eventually learn that you are “cool” not because of your beautiful sparkling personality. No. They realize you are “cool” because of the people you know or the power/position you hold or the things that you have.

Of course, everyone has done this a few times in their life. I know that I have met a few guys who I did not find attractive until I found out what they did for a living. But hey, cut me some slack. Other than the occasional not cute guy who becomes cute to me, I have a tendency to like almost everyone I meet equally.

There are some people out there however, who will ONLY like you if you fit their criteria or can provide something to them.

In college, my friends and I were walking around the bookstore. We run into a girl that my two other friends had met at a party. She says ‘hi’ to them and completely ignores me after a brief introduction. I mean completely shut out. She wasn’t talking to me or gesturing at me. Hell, she didn’t even make eye contact with me.

Maybe she was shy? But by the way she was talking to my friends, I knew she wasn’t. I could see the thoughts in her mind. I was “not cool” likely because I was not at the party they had all went to (sorry I had other parties to attend). I ran into her with my friends a few more times after, safe to say that I was ignored every single time other than a quick “hey”. Even still, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Later that year, I was at a pregame for a party my friends were throwing. This is when I found out she really was THAT type of person. I am talking to one of the party throwers (if that’s even a title), when the same girl shows up. She comes up to the guy I’m talking to and gives him a hug. Being the gentleman that he is, he asks if we know each other. I say, “yeah, we’ve met” with a small smirk. I want to say her eyes bulged out of her head but I know they didn’t. Although the shock on her face was evident.

“How do you guys know each other?” she asked us. My friend responds, “Oh me and Angela? We’ve been really good friends since high school. She’s like my sister.” He put his arm around my shoulder having no idea what he had just revealed to her.

Yes. Every guy who lived in that apartment was my friend. My really good friend. Let me elaborate the gravity of that realization. That girl, who thought she was hot shit, was now under the mercy of my opinion. She thought she was so much better than me because she knew them. She thought she was better than me because she was cool enough to be invited to the pregame.

Girl, you have no idea. A few words from me and she would not be invited any more. All of the cards she thought she held were trumped by mine. Luckily for her, I did not care enough to tell anyone. Luckily for her I was nice enough to just let it go.

Obviously, she was the nicest person in the world to me after she found out who I was friends with. I was never ignored again. I literally had to run away from her at times because of how nice she was to me.

The morals of the story is, don’t be that person. Be nice and kind to everyone not because of what they can offer you. Be kind and nice to people because everyone deserves your respect and at the very least your attention when they are in your presence.

And you never know, they can hold your social status in their hands.

Real People

I love seeing the “real” in people. I do not care about the face that they put on for the outside world. I do not care who they know, where they have been, or where they are from. I want to know how those things shaped them into who they are now. What do/did they get out of meeting those people or experiencing those thing.

Everyone has a level of depth. I like to see how deep they can go.

What is the truest version of this person? What is real? What are they putting on for show? What makes them tick? Do they have passions? What are their fears?

I want to learn about them. I want to know. I want to see the madness, and the insanity inside of them.

I want to see our similarities and differences. I want to hear their opinions and thoughts. To see what they love and how they would react.

Everything that they are afraid to let out, I want to know. I want to see everything they are afraid to let people see. Because those vulnerable, insane, and real parts of them are the most beautiful.

Expectations Suck

I am a classic people pleaser. I don’t know how it happened or why I do it but I can not help but want to please everyone.

I don’t mind it most of the time because I get an immense amount of gratification from it. I like that the people around me are happy. It makes me really happy too. I want everyone to be having a good time so I help facilitate it. I also know how most of my close friends will react to certain situations or what they are sensitive about so I try my hardest to cater to their needs.

The problem that most people see with being a people pleaser is that you forget about yourself. Which I sometimes have a habit of doing but I honestly don’t mind. Hell, sometimes I don’t even notice. The major problem that I face or the thing that gets to me the most is when expectations arise. Because I do all of these things for people over and over again, at a certain point, I also expect them to do the same for me.

Or at the very least, have considered doing so.

I know this is the wrong mentality to have. You should only ever do things for someone because you want to, not because you expect something in return. Even though I say that, it is really hard not to expect the people you care about to do the same nice things for you. Not only do you expect them to do the same for you, you also expect them to want to do them. Do things for you because they love you and they want to, not because they know it is what is expected of them.

These expectations, suck.

It’s also hard for you to do things for people that you know (after multiple experiences) will not do the same for you. For example, you know that your friend won’t get you a gift for your birthday because they are cheap and haven’t bought you a gift for the last three years. So this year, you decide not to get her a gift, because you know she will not get you one.

This expectation, also sucks.

You shouldn’t assume that someone won’t do anything for you because who knows, they could surprise you. Also, you should want to buy your friend a gift for their birthday because you care about him/her. Your friendship is what should matter, not the material things you get out of it. If that’s the only reason you want to be around someone, it’s not a real friendship.

But again, I know this is really, really hard not to do. Humans want there to be an equilibrium. We want there to be an even exchange so how do we combat this?

You simply, think. I know, it sounds way to simple and good to be true. But yes, the easiest way I have found to combat pesky expectations is to use my brain and think.

I sit and think about all of the other good things that they have done. I sit and think about all of the reason why I care about this person. I remind myself that they are my friend and that I care about them. I remind myself that I  don’t actually need anything in return, I just want something.

Thinking will negate most expectations. Because expectations, suck.

“Only Looking Up”

My apologizes for generalizing the entire human population. But it has been my experience that when comparing ourselves to others, most people only look up. By looking up I mean, they only look at people who are more than they are or have more than they do.

Sure, people will look down on and belittle those they deem “below” them to make themselves feel better. But they only do so because they are comparing themselves to those “above” them. It is natural to want more than what you have and envy those who do.

The problem with only looking up is it makes us feel bad about where we are. When there is so much to appreciate about our current circumstances. We also forget about how far we have come in our goals or our dreams. After working on this blog for almost a year, I can not believe how much I have grown as a writer. How much this blog has been a catalyst for my own personal growth and has sprouted other creative outlets.

Yet, 80% of the time I am looking at bloggers who are better writers than I am or have amassed thousands of followers and beat myself up over not being at the same place. I can’t help but feel silly for continuing in my pursuit of writing when there are so many people so much further than me.

How can I catch up? Should I keep going? Why am I even doing this? Why am I not there yet? There is so much self-doubt that can fill me up. And it constantly does.

Being a positivity and happiness enthusiast, it is easy to remind myself that it is okay to not be where I want to be yet. I need that constant reminder that I have come a long way. I need to remember that I am enjoying pushing towards my destination and I have so much to appreciate.

And this is my reminder to you, readers. That you need to stop comparing yourself to those above you and beating yourself up. You are a unique individual who has come a long way. Other people are in circumstances that differ greatly from yours so there is no need to compare yourself to them or to anyone.

There is also no need to put others down or push yourself down. You are better than that and you are worth more than your negative opinion of yourself.

You have come a long way, so focus on your own journey. Even if you have a long way to go, you will get there as long as you focus on yourself.

Tell your own story – don’t let it be compared to anyone else.

Millennial Profiling: The Writer Wannabe

Everybody has a unique story to tell. The words on the pages are shaped by each person’s own unique experiences. It is impossible for two stories to ever be identical.

That being said, some of our experiences are very similar. Many of our lives were shaped by similar circumstances and upbringing. I want to share as many stories as I can, so you may feel a little less alone.

Millennial Profiling is a compilation of interviews of, you guessed it, Millennials. Each individual was asked to think about these questions in a perspective of ‘going after your dreams and aspirations’. Because right at this very moment, Millennials are in a very rocky and turbulent time called our 20’s.

This is the period when we navigate the world and find out who we are. Then finally, chase who we want to be.

Read the entire interview, or don’t. Feel free to skip to the more interesting questions. Leave a comment. Let me know if you want to be next.

Just know – somewhere out there feeling just as lost or misunderstood or as alive as you are.

If you got through that whole thing, this was an idea of mine that I never fully pursued. I moved on to my new blog before this could become a reality. But before I let the idea fully die, I wanted to share with you the concept and my profile.

Name: Angela (Author of this blog )

Age: 24
Positivity Scale: 7.5 out of 10 (most of the time) consider myself an optimistic realist
Current Life Motto: “Hakuna Matata” means ‘no worries’

Why are you being interviewed?
I am interviewing myself because I started this whole thing. Also, I wanted to give my future interviewees an idea of what they are getting themselves into.

What is the biggest problem millennials face today?
The inner torment that is, wanting to be your own person when the world is telling you to be like everyone else. Majority of us are falling into the trap of becoming like everyone else and inevitably getting too comfortable.

The biggest problem you are facing today?
Motivation. This is problem numero uno all of the time. I have no fuel in my motivation tank.

The other big problem I face ties into the above answer I gave. It is really hard to try to be something different. Especially when lot of people you care about, do not understand or support you.

If I were to choose, I would have 4 tattoo (currently have zero), dye the tips of my hair lavender and travel the world. There is so much pressure to be just like everyone, and fit a specific mold. I don’t want to be stared at like some alien. The older I get the harder it is getting to shake off the normal societal mentality.

When you were little, what did you want to be when you “grew up”?
When I was little I wanted to be a Princess. I later found out, much to my dismay, this was not a real job (yet, I’m still working on it). Then I wanted to be an Egyptian Archaeologist or a Chemist so that I can cure cancer.

What did you set out to be after graduating high school? Back then, what did you think you would be right now?
I thought I was going to be a lawyer. I loved a good argument, so I thought might as well try my hand at law, especially since lawyers make good money.

Back when I was 18 and graduating, I thought I would be a lawyer right now, making $$$.

Why do you think your childhood job goals changed?

Pressure. I think we all get this idea ingrained into our head at some point that we need to make money. Archaeologists and Chemists do not make high salaries and have to get their PhD. That’s a lot of student debt to face.

What are you doing now? What is your current job?
I am a Business Analyst or what I like to call, a slave to proposals.

What do you want to be doing now?
I want to be a writer. Plain and simple. I want to be able to reach people through words created from my crazy head. What kind of writer? Who do I want to write for? Join the club of people asking me these questions because I have no answer.

What inspired you to make the change to writing?
I don’t think I was so much inspired to write – it was a discovery. The passion that I have for it keeps me going (most of the time). I will say, losing my brother affected my outlook on life a lot. Why waste most of your day and your entire life wasting away doing something you don’t like?

Major hardship you faced? are still facing?
Family, more specifically my parents. It’s hard when you really want to make them proud and knowing that what you want to do, might not have that result. They are my everything and I don’t think they know how much their opinion affects me.

What keeps you motivated?
Watching other people follow their dreams. Looking at people who have succeeded when everyone doubted them. Also, just looking at my friends around me going after their dreams, especially the ones that are unconventional.

Also, food. Food is great.

If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?
Take more risks. Don’t play it safe. It’s okay to not have everything figured out yet. Don’t listen to other people’s negative opinions. Don’t date that one guy.

The list could go on forever.

What advice/words of wisdom would you give to other Millennials?
The above statements. And don’t let people who do not understand you, get you down. You will always have people who think you will fail, don’t listen to them.

You get to pick how the rest of your life will go. Pick a path that you will be proud of and will make you the happiest.

Old Posts I Love

I said I would never do this, but I’m doing it. Instead of publishing a new, fresh, exciting (?) post, I am going to link you to old posts that I love.

Because I have not been in the best creative mindset lately, I thought it would be better to highlight things that I wrote at the start of the blog. Otherwise you would be reading a crappy, randomly slapped together post right now.

Why even post this week, you ask? Why not just forget it? because I told myself I would post every Tuesday for one year and it has not been a year yet. I’m almost there so I’m sticking to it.

Here they are, some older posts that never received as much love and attention as I wished they would. Some of which I am very proud of.

Also, if you haven’t already check out the “About” section of the blog and “How it all Started”.

“Why I Weigh Myself Everyday”

Lately, I have been falling off of the fitness bandwagon. Okay, if I am being honest, I have completely fallen off and am just occasional thinking about getting back on.

At the peak of my fitness craze, I had lost 17 pounds. During this peak time, I felt like I sat atop of the bandwagon. At times I was so confident, I believed I was driving the bandwagon. I was hyper motivated and determined. The sheer will power I had not to eat unhealthy was insane. I had never felt anything like it before. It taught me how much I was capable of.

Getting back to the point, for the last few month (okay, like 6) I have been bad. Really bad. Eating all of the things. To top it off, I have been half-heartily going to the gym. Which has all led to me gaining back 5 pounds. I know, many of you will scoff. Five pounds is nothing.

Yes – 5 pounds is nothing when you have a will power of steel – unbreakable by any donut, cookie or Chipotle burrito bowl. But once you’ve fallen off of the fitness bandwagon, 5 pounds is a lot of weight.

I keep telling myself, I will start tomorrow. Or I will start at the beginning of next week. But I know if I keep telling myself this, sooner more than later, the 5 lbs I gained back will turn into the full 17 pounds I had worked so hard to lose.

Then I will have to start from square one, again. Square one is not a fun place to be.

In order to try and catch back up to the bandwagon, I am weighing myself every morning. Even though I know that fitness experts say that you should not do this, it is super effective for me.

Because every time I see the number on the scale I either feel great that I lost more weight/maintained or I realize I have to push myself a little bit more. Seeing the number on the scale sparks an emotional response. This emotional response whether good or bad, keeps me motivated.

If you don’t believe me, it is back by science and common sense.

Think of all of those to-do list, bucket lists, chores, and other things you need to get done but never actually get done. It is because there is no emotional pay off at the end or emotional tie in the moment.

Procrastinators (like myself) are a prime example. You postpone doing something that needs to get done until you HAVE to. You start feeling that pressure nag at you. The voice in the back of your head yelling at you. This is the emotional motivator that finally pushes you get things done.

If you ever get in one of these unmotivated states, tie what you need to do to an emotion. Figure out what rallies your emotions.

Smile. Get frustrated. Be happy. Get Mad. Get excited. Feel all of the feelings to get things done.

“Happiness: The Little Things”

I took a small survey asking people what made them happy. Okay, in all honesty, it was like six of my friends over a group text. I can assure you though, they are a good representation of Millennials!

In this post, I am going to do something differently. By that I mean I want you to do a small exercise. Don’t worry, it only involves making two small mental lists. Nothing that will take a lot of effort like the other things on my blog.

First, I want you to think about all of the things society tells you will make you happy.

I’ll give you a minute…

Now, I want you to make a list of the first things that pop into your head when I ask, “what makes you happy?”.

I was not at all surprised about what my “representative group” had said. I am pretty sure your list will match up close to theirs.

These are the top things that they listed (I’ll put a plus by the ones I wrote down too):

– food +
– friend, significant other, and family +
– sports team
– their hobbies +
– the outdoors, i.e. sunsets, hiking, etc. +
– traveling +
– good music +

As you can see, these are all things that you experience and do. None of these things are material items.

When you look at ‘happiness’ in the societal point of view, money, your career, the car you have, your house, and your spouse is what will make you the happiest. Those are things that can be bought–they provide temporary pleasure until you want something else.

We all have this warped perception that having it “all” means having a lot of money. When having it all means having good time doing what you like to do, with people you enjoy being with.

There is a complete disconnect between what we should want and even know make us happy and what we actually work towards to make us happy.

If you take a minute you will see that happiness is a lot easier than people think. There are no magical keys to happiness, it is literaly just sitting there waiting for you. You just have to change your perspective and see it.

Take the time to think about your friends, good noms you can eat, the hobbies you like to do (and do all the time), and your favorite jam that comes on the radio.

Relish in the pure joy that comes with it.

Hopefully then you will realize, happiness is in the little things.