I am a classic people pleaser. I don’t know how it happened or why I do it but I can not help but want to please everyone.
I don’t mind it most of the time because I get an immense amount of gratification from it. I like that the people around me are happy. It makes me really happy too. I want everyone to be having a good time so I help facilitate it. I also know how most of my close friends will react to certain situations or what they are sensitive about so I try my hardest to cater to their needs.
The problem that most people see with being a people pleaser is that you forget about yourself. Which I sometimes have a habit of doing but I honestly don’t mind. Hell, sometimes I don’t even notice. The major problem that I face or the thing that gets to me the most is when expectations arise. Because I do all of these things for people over and over again, at a certain point, I also expect them to do the same for me.
Or at the very least, have considered doing so.
I know this is the wrong mentality to have. You should only ever do things for someone because you want to, not because you expect something in return. Even though I say that, it is really hard not to expect the people you care about to do the same nice things for you. Not only do you expect them to do the same for you, you also expect them to want to do them. Do things for you because they love you and they want to, not because they know it is what is expected of them.
These expectations, suck.
It’s also hard for you to do things for people that you know (after multiple experiences) will not do the same for you. For example, you know that your friend won’t get you a gift for your birthday because they are cheap and haven’t bought you a gift for the last three years. So this year, you decide not to get her a gift, because you know she will not get you one.
This expectation, also sucks.
You shouldn’t assume that someone won’t do anything for you because who knows, they could surprise you. Also, you should want to buy your friend a gift for their birthday because you care about him/her. Your friendship is what should matter, not the material things you get out of it. If that’s the only reason you want to be around someone, it’s not a real friendship.
But again, I know this is really, really hard not to do. Humans want there to be an equilibrium. We want there to be an even exchange so how do we combat this?
You simply, think. I know, it sounds way to simple and good to be true. But yes, the easiest way I have found to combat pesky expectations is to use my brain and think.
I sit and think about all of the other good things that they have done. I sit and think about all of the reason why I care about this person. I remind myself that they are my friend and that I care about them. I remind myself that I don’t actually need anything in return, I just want something.
Thinking will negate most expectations. Because expectations, suck.